Hurting People, Hurt People

Hurting People, Hurt People

All human beings will eventually be the source of pain, hurt and heartache of another. It’s inevitable! At times the pain we cause will be incidental and unintentional. And other times, quite deliberate.

In the spirit of RealTalk, I have discovered that more often than not, Hurting People, have more of a tendency to hurt people, than those who are not hurting. HURTING people are those with “unresolved” emotional trauma/pain. Some of that unresolved hurt/pain may be from childhood sexual abuse; incest; a betrayal; divorce; abandonment; physical violence; growing up in an addictive home, etc., Unresolved means, the person is NOT currently, deliberately or intentionally addressing their hurt and pain either in therapy, a support group, or counseling etc.,

So, before entering a relationship, how can we identify early on, if the person we’re considering is or isn’t H.U.R.T. (Healing from Un-Resolved Trauma).

RealTalk Tips:
1. Anger – In your conversations with them do you sense an under current of anger? Perhaps when they talk about their parents, or a divorced partner, or former partners they still seem angry. They may deny it and say they are over it, but you still sense an under current of anger. Do not ignore it.

2. Trust – Do they have difficulty trusting you? Do they always have to know where you are? Are they suspicious of your friendships for no reason? Do they blame all of their past relationship failure on the “other” person? Can they clearly articulate their part or responsibility in the relationship failure?

3. Lack of Vulnerability – Do they share their heart with you? Are their conversations with you surface and superficial? Do they allow themselves to be known? Or do you find yourself having to ask a ton of questions to get to know who they are?

4. Sexual Issues – Is much of the conversation centered around sex? Do they not discuss sex at all? Do they seem uncomfortable with their body. Do they seem to hate men or women?

5. Zest for Life – Do they seem to have a sense of joy in and for life in general? Do you sense depression or consistent sadness?

Beloved, these are just a few RED Flags that may help us identify if we’re about to enter the danger zone of a HURTING Person.

Know this for sure, if hurting people are not actively and intentionally working through their unresolved hurts, they are incapable of cultivating and developing a healthy relationship! Do not fool yourself into thinking you can fix them or that it’s not that bad. You will only be setting yourself up for HURT.

Not that’s RealTalk!

About Dr. Irie Lynne Session

Born in Hawkins, Texas and raised in New York City, Dr. Session received a Bachelor of Science degree from Oklahoma Christian College in 1982 and the Masters of Divinity, with a certification in Black Church Studies from Brite Divinity School at Texas Christian University in 2006. In May 2012 she received the Doctor of Ministry in Transformative Leadership and Prophetic Preaching from Colgate Rochester Crozer Divinity School in Rochester, New York (the alma mater of such distinguished alumni as Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Howard Thurman, and Dr. James Forbes). Dr. Session is an ordained minister in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), where she served as a pastor from 2006-2015. From 2006-2012, Dr. Session was the Associate Minister for the North Texas Area of the Christian Church in the Southwest, assisting in the oversight to some eighty-four Disciples congregations. She is the first African-American, and the first woman, to serve in that role. Currently, she is the President of the Black Ministers Fellowship of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). Other ministry involvement includes present employment with New Friends New Life; a faith-based organization that rescues and restores trafficked teen girls and sexually exploited women. With New Friends New Life, Dr. Session serves as the Director of Spiritual Support and the Leaders Circle. Her previous employment includes over 17 years in Social Work positions with Bryan’s House, an organization serving children and families impacted by HIV/AIDS; the Texas Department of Criminal Justice where she served as a Senior Parole Officer for Sex offenders; and The Texas Department of Protective and Regulatory Services as an Investigator for child abuse & neglect. Dr. Session has received several prestigious awards for ministry and community involvement. In September of 2012, Dr. Session was the recipient of the “Women Who Make A Difference” award for exemplary service to the Dallas Community and the Revolutionary Woman award by Roots in the City. In 2009, she was the recipient of the Distinguished Ministers Award for Innovative Ministry by the Brite Divinity School Alumni Association. In that same year she also received the Legacy Torch Award from the Urban League of Greater Dallas for Outstanding Service to the Dallas Community. In 1997 she was recognized as an "Outstanding Young Woman in America." Dr. Session has been featured on television, radio, and in a variety of magazine articles addressing issues such as sexual abuse, HIV/AIDS, Human Trafficking, and women in ministry. She’s in demand as a writer, preacher and presenter at conferences, lectureships, and workshops across the United States and abroad. Dr. Session is a womanist preacher and teacher who uses her voice, her scholarship, her leadership skills, and her writing to help people transform their thinking in order to transform their lives so they can transform the world. She is also the proud single mother of India Liana Session.

2 responses »

  1. Pingback: When thinking hurts | Cool lady blog

  2. Pingback: When thinking hurts | How my heart speaks

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